The Boot Brawl

Well tonight I had an interesting experience. I stayed up late at my friend's apartment and I came out to find a boot on my car. There was a paper taped to my car saying I had violated parking rules and had to pay $65. My initial reaction was anger and frustration. That frustration obviously showed when I called the girl who had put the boot on my car to come take it off. Most of you who know me might find it hard to believe that I can be rude or get upset, but I have my moments when I feel wronged or violated in some way. In this instance I felt justified in my anger and I was rude and unkind to this girl who came to take my money and the boot. However she gave as good as she got and she said some things that even now I feel were a bit unjustified and unnecessary. Basically, the conflict escalated and I felt angry, hurt and exploited when she left. As she left I even gave her a nice long honk of my car horn to let her know my displeasure. However, as I drove home I reflected on how my own actions may have been out of line and contributed to the problem. First of all I realized that I had acted somewhat hostile from the very beginning, which considering she probably deals with lots of angry people in her job, put her on the defensive. Second I realized that she didn't make the rules (however just or unjust they might be) and for her this was probably just a way to pay for school. Finally, I realized that although I had acted rashly in an attempt to feel better about the situation, I didn't. I was still out $65 and I hadn't made anything better, only worse. I felt empty inside and guilty. Although I was incredibly afraid to do so, I decided to call her back and make a formal apology for my actions. I was afraid she would be angry and that I wouldn't do anything but make things worse. Thankfully that wasn't the case, and she accepted my apology graciously and she told me she really appreciated the gesture. I felt an immense burden lifted from my shoulders when I finished that call. For the first time since I saw the boot on my car, I felt peace again. I wasn't angry anymore. Sure, I still feel even now that she didn't act very professionally in the way she responded to me in the parking lot. I still feel a bit exploited and robbed. And I'm still $65 in the hole. But I rectified my own mistakes, and that is worth more than all the money in the world. I can't control the actions and words of others, but I can control my own. I'm probably going to have to deal with many rude, dishonest, and even hostile people in the course of my life. I tend to be very sensitive and I have a hard time dealing with those kinds of altercations and encounters. But I realize now that I will best serve myself and those around me by simply always treating others with the kindness and respect I would want others to show me. The Golden Rule. That doesn't mean I shouldn't stand up for myself under appropriate circumstances, but I can still control the way I respond. If I've learned anything tonight it is not to fight fire with fire, but with love, patience, and respect. Kill your enemies with kindness as they say. No matter what my enemy might feel he or she has won from me, as long as I act with dignity and honor, then I am the real winner. If it cost $65 to learn that lesson, then it was money well-spent.

Faith

It's been about a month now since my last post. Guess I just got caught up in school and life. Well, I just had some thoughts I wanted to share. As many of you know, I've been dealing with stomach problems for the past few months, and it has been pretty miserable to say the least. But I'll tell you, I've learned two very valuable lessons from this experience. One, I have learned to be a lot more patient than I used to be, and two, I've learned to trust in my Heavenly Father and let him guide me. I've been at a loss as to what it is I need to do to solve my health problems. I've done everything I know of to fix it, but I've had no luck and I've made no progress. For a while, I was frustrated, but slowly, surely, I've come to feel the love of my Heavenly Father. I've felt Him wrap His arms around me and tell me that things are going to be okay. For the first time in my life I think I'm really willing to put all my trust in Him. I have the wonderful opportunity to be in an institute choir again this year, and one song we're singing, which most of you should be familiar with, is Lead, Kindly Light. I love the words of this inspired hymn; they have new meaning to me that they've never had before, and that is in part due to the trials I've experienced. As you read the following lines, really focus on the meaning of the words and how they can apply to your own life.

Lead, kindly light, amid th'en circling gloom;

Lead thou me on!

The night is dark, and I am far from home;

Lead thou me on!

Keep thou my feet;

I do not ask to see the distant scene;

One step, enough for me.

I was not ever thus, nor pray'd that thou,

shouldst lead me on;

I loved to choose and see my path; but now,

Lead thou me on!

I love those words. The night has been dark, and I've felt far from the Spirit at times, but I've learned to trust in Him. One step at a time is enough for me now. I loved to choose my own path, but now, I'm ready to let the Lord lead me on. Another one of my favorite songs, Consider the Lilies, has the phrase "He will heal those who trust Him." When I heard that the other day, it struck me, as if I'd never heard it before. I think I've always considered that phrase to refer to healing heartbreak, grief, guilt, and other sorrows. But now I realize it refers to healing of any kind. When Christ was on the Earth, He healed many people of their physical ailments. Although Christ is no longer walking among us on Earth, does that mean that He no longer performs miracles and heals the sick and afflicted? Of course not! In fact, I think His miracles abound like never before. Isn't modern medicine, for instance, a miracle? Who do you think inspired the men and women of our time to discover the breakthroughs, and the medicines and the surgical techniques we have now? I think it is quite obvious that Christ is working in full force today, and His miracles can be seen in every corner of the world. By putting my faith in my Heavenly Father I have come to know more fully of the reality of the healing power of the Savior's atoning sacrifice. I KNOW that somehow, someway, despite what the doctors have told me, that I will find a solution to my health problems, so that I can live a full life. All the odds may seem against me, my chances of getting better may seem grim, the doctors may tell me this is permanent, but I know something that I cannot deny. I have felt the love of my Heavenly Father and the love of my Savior, and through the Spirit I have come to know that everything is going to work out. I'm SO thankful for the gospel in my life, and I'm thankful for the companionship of the Holy Spirit to guide me day by day. I hope we can all learn to have faith in Him who sacrificed all for us, allow Him to "lead us on," and come to know of the Atonement's healing power in our lives. I say these things in the name of Jesus Christ, Amen.

Have I Buried My Talent?

So, I was at a production of Annie Get Your Gun the other night, and it got me thinking. I watched all those talented people, singing, dancing, acting - and I was amazed at what they could do. Almost everyone I know has  a skill/talent that they are the best at. I know at least two phenomenal piano players, several incredible singers, runners, dancers, writers, and artists. Even my family is full of talent. My cousins and uncles and aunts are all musically talented as well, singing, acting, and performing in various capacities. I even have an aunt that writes/arranges music.  My brother Chris is a musical prodigy (he's too humble to admit it though), my dad is incredible at fixing, building, and/or installing just about any household appliance ever made, and my mom, well, she's talented to simply be a mom, but I think having the courage to join the church against her parent's wishes, move from Ireland to Utah, and serve a mission in Canada takes a lot of spiritual talent. And there's even my youngest brother Ethan - he's just a genius (don't tell him I said that) and I know he's going to invent something revolutionary one day. But, what about me? What is a talent I've been given from my Father in Heaven? What gift has He given me that I can use to bless the lives of others, and more importantly, am I developing the talent(s) I've been given to the extent that I should? I've thought long and hard, and I'm still not sure how to answer any of these questions. Sure, I like to sing and be in choir, but I'm not anywhere close to being a great singer. I also have been told that I'm a good writer (these blog entries are not good examples of that), and although I admit I may be above average, I'm nowhere near good enough to, say, get an article or book published. I could always develop that potential skill I suppose, only problem is I don't like writing :P. So, maybe there are some things I enjoy or have a knack for, but what do I have that nobody else has? What can I do that nobody else can? What has Heavenly Father given me to do that none of His other spirit offspring can? Often, I think, we have hidden talents, ones that aren't noticed by others because they are not as visible. Whatever gift I have, it must be really hidden, because it's not even visible to me. I guess it's time I started my journey to find it!

Me Being Me

So, I'm not even sure I'm going to be very diligent about updating this blog, but I'll give it a try!  I'm not going to spend any time talking about my background and all that, because hopefully those of you (if any) that follow this blog already know who I am. Anyways, last night I got ANOTHER message from a friend on facebook telling me I'm always writing depressing messages. I admit that sometimes I'm a downer - but I think people misinterpret the things I say sometimes. I used to be REALLY negative, but I think I'm a lot better than I used to be. So whenever people tell me I'm negative, it's rather discouraging and upsetting, because I feel I'm much more positive than I used to be. I think sometimes people mistake my sarcastic sense of humor for negativity. My brand of humor tends to be more dark, which simply means I've learned to laugh in the face of trials in life. So, take it or leave it, but that's my view on my own personality, and I should know better than most, right?